Every January, we promise ourselves the same things.
This year I’ll be more disciplined.
More productive.
More relaxed.
Healthier. Calmer. Better.
And by February, most New Year’s resolutions are quietly abandoned — usually followed by guilt and self-criticism.
When it comes to new year resolutions and mental health, the problem isn’t motivation or willpower.
It’s that most resolutions are built on the idea that something is wrong with you.
Why New Year’s Resolutions and Mental Health Often Clash
Traditional resolutions usually come from pressure, not clarity.
They’re often driven by thoughts like:
- I should be doing better by now
- I need to fix myself
- Everyone else seems to be coping
From an existential perspective, this makes sense. When life feels uncertain, humans try to regain control. We set rules. We tighten standards. We aim for certainty.
But your nervous system isn’t inspired by pressure — it’s threatened by it.
That’s why so many well-intentioned goals lead to resistance, burnout, or avoidance.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail (Especially After a Big Year)
After years of stress, uncertainty, and constant adaptation, many people enter January already depleted.
For many people — juggling work, family, financial pressure, and emotional load — resolutions can feel like one more demand rather than a fresh start.
Self-improvement becomes self-surveillance.
And that’s not a recipe for meaningful change.
A Better Question to Ask This Year
Instead of asking:
“What should I improve?”
Try asking:
“What feels misaligned, heavy, or quietly avoided?”
This is where therapy often begins — not with fixing, but with noticing.
Existential therapy reminds us that anxiety isn’t always a problem to eliminate. Sometimes it’s a signal that something meaningful wants attention.
Try This Instead of a Resolution
Skip rigid goals. Choose a theme.
Not:
- lose weight
- work harder
- be more disciplined
But:
- boundaries
- honesty
- self-respect
- connection
- slowing down
- self-compassion
A theme allows flexibility and course-correction — which is far more realistic than perfection.
The Most Radical Resolution of All
Many people seek counselling not because they’re broken, but because they’ve spent years overriding themselves.
Ignoring exhaustion.
Dismissing emotions.
Staying quiet to keep the peace.
So here’s a genuinely radical New Year’s intention:
Stop abandoning yourself in the name of self-improvement.
That’s not indulgent.
It’s psychologically healthy.
An Existential Truth Worth Remembering
There is no version of you that will finally feel “done.”
No habit that removes uncertainty.
No goal that protects you from loss or change.
And oddly, that’s not bad news.
Meaning doesn’t come from fixing yourself.
It comes from engaging with life honestly — even when it’s uncomfortable.
Starting the Year Differently
If you’re questioning old patterns or priorities, that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It often means you’re paying attention.
Quiet Ground Counselling supports adults in Dural, Parramatta and online who want to approach change with clarity, depth, and compassion — not pressure.
If the start of the year feels overwhelming, organisations like Beyond Blue also offer accessible information and support for managing stress and emotional wellbeing.
You don’t need a perfect plan for the year ahead.
You may just need space to reflect, make meaning, and choose what actually matters.
Katalin Janssens
Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Quiet Ground Counselling